"Shiver to the core my dear..

for I am death."

I do not fear this thing called "death".
When I die, I die.
Everything to everyone does it.
There is no stopping it.
We all will wither away.
Most will be forgotten,
Some will live on.
But you must face the facts:
We all wither away.

I will soon perish,
But until I do,
I will make hell on you.

I wanna dance.

...to be free.
To be looked upon as simply graceful.
To twirl the fears away.
Strike the worries far gone.

Notes are the things that keep us all together.
Musical or written.
Musical notes soothe the soul, or fire the being.
Written notes keep you in-touch, or all knowing.

Scratching the surface...
Marking the beginning...
Understanding nothing...

Be Calm.

I want a button in life that says: preview.
To see what you are going to endure before you laspe into nothingness.
To be thrown into confusion.
To not understand anything around you,
so what do people do?
Grasp onto the only thing they know: feeling.

Love is the mightist feeling, next to the feeling of depression.
To feel so great, to dive bombing into another abyss of nothing.

People take things into consideration, I suppose.
Yet, rarely ever put it into there daily life.
If you give out such golden words, why can't you ever take them for your own?

Fools. The human race is full of them.
Ones that trick, ones the hide, ones that simply cannot get enough of havoc.
Break the cycle you fools.
Take other things into meaning, put your life into there soul.

All you want to is live,
But you live to want,
How can we choose?

Dived in, without knowing how to swim.

I have this fluid motion today. Where everything is underwater.
I am sinking slowly, without a glimpse of reality touching my mind.
Bubbles race past my face, as they too, are struggling to reach the surface.
The difference between us? They will make it to the surface without worry, where I?
Will fight my way through the wretched thundra of a place, which I call: humanity.

Moving slowly,
Out of place,
No where to belong.

Please...stop.

They are fighting. I wanna make them stop.
My hands turn clamy, my brain turns to mush, my stomach is flipping around, and I feel wrong.
I feel dirty... Like this is all my fault...
I wanna fly. Today, is not the day to fall. I just wanna fly.

I wanna leave. To go to a place, where the fighting seizes, and all you can do is talk it out calmly.
I feel the need to caress the pace of the want.
I urne for love.

My fingers slighty glide over the keys, pressing down, as the mind spurts out what it truly means.
I mess up, more often then I am correct.
Pressing "o" instead of "i", which is like my daily life.
I take things into consideration, but it seems like, that is never enough.
Like, I never have the correct thing to say.
When I believe I have the correct answer, life turns it's self around, and proves me wrong.
The answer was right there, but I feel the need to dissect it...



I am wronged.
I love feeling.
I need to stop.

Is it love?

I wanna believe in falling in love by the simple...glance at a person. To just realize that THEY are ment for you, but just the scan of there face with your beady eyes of approval.

Unfortunatly, I do not. I can be physically attracted to someone and emotionally, but its the fact that, I do not know that I can just KNOW that we are meant for each other by just...looking at them.


I have something to do with falling. If it is something that I want to acheive, but I cannot, I will fall, not FAIL but FALL. I believe in falling in my mind, is simply letting go of all the feelings that you once had, and just escaping it, for at least a moment.


It is a fairy tale that I wish was reality.
But this fairy tale, contains the truth.
Welcome, to a thing called "life".

*insert awkward postion here*

I was at the family reunion.
Hanging out with Kayla.

When someone came up to talk to me, and that is were the position came in: right here.
See, lemme explain the pose for you.

I start to hunch my shoulders the slightest bit. Then, I start to mess with my chest, with my hands. I get this hard to breathe feeling in there, like I am going to burst into an anxiety attack, faint, or even wrose: puke. I start to move to a person who I am most comfortable with, and I begin to cast my eyes downward.

I do that EVERY time. Its pathetic.


I wanna become comfortable with my body. I wish I had the ability, to walk around naked, without a care in the world.
But I cannot do this.
for one: the law.
Two: I am mighty pussy-footed.

I am weak.
I don't care.
I will fall.

Ohh...

Let me break it down for you guys kay?

Wake up, take a shower, get on the computer, complete school work, and nap.

My day consist of nothing more then this latly. I would love to achieve a job, do not get it twisted, but I am so socially awkward, that I am to nervous to even acquire a job registration.

I woke up in a bundled mess this morning, all twisted inside my blankets, my fans wind brushing against my face, hoping that today has not offically started.

Dreading waking up, and tossing out of bed, simply shouts that you are living the life of what you do not too.

I wanna wake up, and go for a jog everyday. Without worrying. I wanna be smiling when I wake up, not frowning.

But for now?
I will not smile.
Cause for the moment.
I am done.

I wanna make this real.

For the world, at the brink of disastor.

I thank thee for the ever lasting Fast food joints.

They clog your arteries, they don't fulfill you hunger, nor do they have any nutitional value.

What a way to eat, but people do not see the error in the ways of cheap.

Selling food? Make it cheap.

Selling your body? Better have it cheaper.

Accept it please...

"Forgive and forget."

You know? Most people do not. They usually dwell on the worse, and they drag you down to the hell that they normally call "home"

I am tired. I am confused. I am reluctant.

Family members are difficult. They say that family members hold you high when you fall down, they are the back to your contraption. I figure: How is this? I think of my friends and the ones who TRULY know me, as my back.

I wanna write you a story...a story that will never be forgotten...I wanna be that author that is SO diversitile, the one that just goes for the long run, and makes the pedestrians think. I wanna be the one that makes the people fight on the real meaning behind the stories of a young mans story.

I wanna be...
I will never know.
I shall succeed.

Let it be

Let's take it one stride at a time. Let us read together, let us learn together, and lets just dance together.

I don't wanna be alone today. It is an odd day really. I usually do not mind being alone.
But today is different. I wanna be laugh, cry, and enjoy the company of other people.

Is that too much to ask for?
Probably.

Let's just fall.

I have nothing to say.
I am sorry guys.
But I have broken down for the past 4 days.
I am a wreck.
Wanna fall with me?

I can't do this all on my own...

Jeremy is going to be over here. Which means I will be sane again. When I am with people I seem to be a whole. Isn't that great? I played pokemon most of the day. I love me some pokemon.

Somedays I wish I could just live in the pokemon world that are only worry is too become a pokemon master. I do not doubt that Ash has some anxiety that he is not the best. He masks it very well. Doesn't pikachu ever get tired of fighting? Also, doesn't Ash get sick of being perfect all the time?

Who knows all those silly questions.

I love winning. I love acheiving winning. I do not let anyone beat me. That sounds mean but, I do love me some winning.

Fun eh?

I do care.

"Are you crazy?!"

I ask myself this everyday. I do not have have that sanity that most people have.

Today was an okay day. I shut out mymind of all those crazy thoughts that I usually have. The reason? I finally got my OGT scores. They told me I was not a total dumbass after all! This silenced those thoughts I was talking about yerterday.

I am sounding insane. I am simply talking figurativly really. No need to call an insane asylum.I call people huns and sweets cause I have this need to be flirtatious at all moments. It's a odd thing really, but I am a very flirtatious person. It's just my personality. People find this the chance to jump on an oppurtunity to try to hold another human being. I am not asking this of people. I am just being myself.

Well then. What were we talking about?

Why are you turning to much?

Today was wonderful. I thought way to much, but when don't I think too much? The world turns to fast for my liking.

I like things my way. I am a stubborn. I realized that I am going to live alone in my future. This is completly scary to me. I am going to have to face this. Why can't I stand people? Well there are plenty of reasons, but most of the reasons are because of myself.

If you can tell. I am very hard on myself. Today, was no exception. I thought way to much. Today though, was actually a good day.

I am babbling. I am sorry. It's nice to just...rant.