Do you really have to be so...

...arubt all the time?
Why don't we take it easy.
You only have this life to succeed.
Why don't you just acheive it.
Its only a arm length away.
You can lead your life to where you want it.
I'm going to guide you along,
but I can not live it for you.
So get up,
Dust off,
And smile damnit.
For we?
Will succeed.

Open your eyes.
This world is literally what it seems.
There are no tricks.
The treats are never handed to you.
Read the small print my dear,
For its in plain sight.

"Win" said the man,
He turned at that moment,
"For we shall become something beautiful."

It'll cost you...

...all that you have.
You were caught red handed.
Now just fess it up.
Walk slowly.
Hands high.
Drop it.
Now doesn't that feel better?

We aren't really what we seem to be.
You are lieing.
I am lieing.
We are liars.


You are very charming,
But I am not a fool,
The game is played on you.

You will never get this...

...it will make you squirm in your seat,
With motionless anxiety.
It shall make your mind spin so fast,
That even your name will confuse you.
Stop. Breathe. Hold it.
When you let it out,
Everything will make since.

The moment you stepped in this room,
Everything was okay.
When you stepped out,
Everything realized it was going to okay.
You are the one that I need.
The one, that I want.

Hold it in,
For it will make you live,
Oh the glory.

Love, love, love...

...this is no time for you.
Begone. Vanish. Vamoose.
I want nothing from you right now.
You are not worth this feeling in my heart.
This is no time for you.

Scibbles on wrist to remember your name,
You catch my eye like you were meant to capture my soul.
It is mine.
You cannot have it.
Back away you beastly thing,
For I shall survive.

Shivering in the chill,
You convulse with intensity,
Your thoughts overwhelm you,
You are no longer winning.


All these thoughts change,
For you are thinking,
When it all end?

Its that one feeling...

...that you get when you do something right,
That giddy feeling that everything is okay.
That one feeling that nothing can pull you down.
You know,
Its that one feeling.

Your head is spinning because that dream was so real,
Everything went how you thought it should go,
It was so perfect, so...real feeling.
When you awake,
You are disappointed.
But then you begin to think,
You can make that happen,
Make everything just like that dream,
You just have to try.


It was so real,
When I was holding you,
Please don't go...

Please let it go...

...nothing will come from that negative talk.
Breathing in, one breathe at a time,
To let it all go.
We will get through this,
But I need your help.
Don't you dare let go,
Because my heart is tied to yours.

Grabbing on to the ledge to hopefully survive,
To make it another day,
In this place called "Home",
But I never realized home is so heart breaking.


But until you reailze that,
Behind these eyes you will see,
That you will belong to me.

On my way home...

...to the place were everything subsides.
Where no worry is ever on the frontier of your mind.
Where all the love is in one place at one time.
Isn't that just simply perfect?

Then everything changes.
You are judged because you are not up to there standards.
You will never be good enough.
You were so happy.
You thought everything was right.
How conniving, just like they used to be.
You were happy.
You thought it changed.
You were wrong.


Young one please look at it this way,
You are better then they could ever be,
But you must sustain this facade.
For you must have a vision in your mind.



We all are created equal,
But I don't think this,
Because you are shit.

And we all fall down...

...where is your moment of strength?
Will it ever shine through the clouds,
As the silver lining in the sky?
We all fall down.
But we must pick ourselves up.
Stop the fretting, and start with the movement.
For the moment, you shall succeed.
For even the mightest have a stumble or two...

Because we all fall down.


I will lend you a hand,
But in return I ask you this,
Will this be enough for you to turn bliss?

I continue to have these thoughts...

...the thoughts that one day, I will be happy.
To smile at the person who makes me love.
To go to my job that I will have acquired over the years.
Even though I know its going to take a lot of work.
I am willing these days.

I have struggled, fought, and batteled my way through life.
But at this moment, everything is drowning in the thoughts of the optimissim seeping from my skull.
I nod my head in agreement this evening,
For I have realized I too, can be a succesor.

Twirl your hands for you see,
This world will belong,
For you, and me.

Shaking...

...I am so angry that fumes can be seen from this body of mine.
My pulse running through my body, making me jittery.
My hands are trembeling from all the hate that I have for you.
Consuming my thoughts, for that you cannot be here anymore.

Leave.
Begone.
Vanish.

We don't need you, these thoughts are enough.
Tears are welting in my eyes at the moment.
For the fact that you are winning.
You are making this anger control me.
I admit, you won the battle,
But you will never win the war.

I hate the fact that you control,
The fact that you manipulate,
But I am the puppeteer here.

Dropping from the skys.

I want to look over you.
To be a Guardian Angel.
You know why I cannot?
Because you must lookout,
For yourself first.
Take a look in the mirror sweetie.
You are better then you appear.
Take the moments of your life in that moment.
And break them down, as if they were nothing.
We Learn from our past,
But we gain from the future.

I will help you through this,
But until you see your fate,
I cannot be there for thee.

Skin ripping good...

...take it all off. All of it.
I am so uncomfortable with it.
My skin crawls when I make a mistake,
And always unsure if I look okay.

Unattractive.
Unworthy.
Unwilling.

I crawl through the thoughts of the wretched,
Making my way through the craziness of the world,
Peeking my head through the silver lining of the best.

I wanna rip it off,
All of it, don't you see
I just don't wanna be.

Put that in your juice box and suck it.

I love proving people wrong.
Show them I am the one to beat.
To be on top of the world.
Winning the game, going into fame.
All I ever want.

I try and try and try again.
I want to become the person to know things others don't.
I wanna control the fate in my two hands.
I want things, I will never achieve.

I can dream about it,
I will subside over it,
I shall never win.

"Shiver to the core my dear..

for I am death."

I do not fear this thing called "death".
When I die, I die.
Everything to everyone does it.
There is no stopping it.
We all will wither away.
Most will be forgotten,
Some will live on.
But you must face the facts:
We all wither away.

I will soon perish,
But until I do,
I will make hell on you.

I wanna dance.

...to be free.
To be looked upon as simply graceful.
To twirl the fears away.
Strike the worries far gone.

Notes are the things that keep us all together.
Musical or written.
Musical notes soothe the soul, or fire the being.
Written notes keep you in-touch, or all knowing.

Scratching the surface...
Marking the beginning...
Understanding nothing...

Be Calm.

I want a button in life that says: preview.
To see what you are going to endure before you laspe into nothingness.
To be thrown into confusion.
To not understand anything around you,
so what do people do?
Grasp onto the only thing they know: feeling.

Love is the mightist feeling, next to the feeling of depression.
To feel so great, to dive bombing into another abyss of nothing.

People take things into consideration, I suppose.
Yet, rarely ever put it into there daily life.
If you give out such golden words, why can't you ever take them for your own?

Fools. The human race is full of them.
Ones that trick, ones the hide, ones that simply cannot get enough of havoc.
Break the cycle you fools.
Take other things into meaning, put your life into there soul.

All you want to is live,
But you live to want,
How can we choose?

Dived in, without knowing how to swim.

I have this fluid motion today. Where everything is underwater.
I am sinking slowly, without a glimpse of reality touching my mind.
Bubbles race past my face, as they too, are struggling to reach the surface.
The difference between us? They will make it to the surface without worry, where I?
Will fight my way through the wretched thundra of a place, which I call: humanity.

Moving slowly,
Out of place,
No where to belong.

Please...stop.

They are fighting. I wanna make them stop.
My hands turn clamy, my brain turns to mush, my stomach is flipping around, and I feel wrong.
I feel dirty... Like this is all my fault...
I wanna fly. Today, is not the day to fall. I just wanna fly.

I wanna leave. To go to a place, where the fighting seizes, and all you can do is talk it out calmly.
I feel the need to caress the pace of the want.
I urne for love.

My fingers slighty glide over the keys, pressing down, as the mind spurts out what it truly means.
I mess up, more often then I am correct.
Pressing "o" instead of "i", which is like my daily life.
I take things into consideration, but it seems like, that is never enough.
Like, I never have the correct thing to say.
When I believe I have the correct answer, life turns it's self around, and proves me wrong.
The answer was right there, but I feel the need to dissect it...



I am wronged.
I love feeling.
I need to stop.

Is it love?

I wanna believe in falling in love by the simple...glance at a person. To just realize that THEY are ment for you, but just the scan of there face with your beady eyes of approval.

Unfortunatly, I do not. I can be physically attracted to someone and emotionally, but its the fact that, I do not know that I can just KNOW that we are meant for each other by just...looking at them.


I have something to do with falling. If it is something that I want to acheive, but I cannot, I will fall, not FAIL but FALL. I believe in falling in my mind, is simply letting go of all the feelings that you once had, and just escaping it, for at least a moment.


It is a fairy tale that I wish was reality.
But this fairy tale, contains the truth.
Welcome, to a thing called "life".

*insert awkward postion here*

I was at the family reunion.
Hanging out with Kayla.

When someone came up to talk to me, and that is were the position came in: right here.
See, lemme explain the pose for you.

I start to hunch my shoulders the slightest bit. Then, I start to mess with my chest, with my hands. I get this hard to breathe feeling in there, like I am going to burst into an anxiety attack, faint, or even wrose: puke. I start to move to a person who I am most comfortable with, and I begin to cast my eyes downward.

I do that EVERY time. Its pathetic.


I wanna become comfortable with my body. I wish I had the ability, to walk around naked, without a care in the world.
But I cannot do this.
for one: the law.
Two: I am mighty pussy-footed.

I am weak.
I don't care.
I will fall.

Ohh...

Let me break it down for you guys kay?

Wake up, take a shower, get on the computer, complete school work, and nap.

My day consist of nothing more then this latly. I would love to achieve a job, do not get it twisted, but I am so socially awkward, that I am to nervous to even acquire a job registration.

I woke up in a bundled mess this morning, all twisted inside my blankets, my fans wind brushing against my face, hoping that today has not offically started.

Dreading waking up, and tossing out of bed, simply shouts that you are living the life of what you do not too.

I wanna wake up, and go for a jog everyday. Without worrying. I wanna be smiling when I wake up, not frowning.

But for now?
I will not smile.
Cause for the moment.
I am done.

I wanna make this real.

For the world, at the brink of disastor.

I thank thee for the ever lasting Fast food joints.

They clog your arteries, they don't fulfill you hunger, nor do they have any nutitional value.

What a way to eat, but people do not see the error in the ways of cheap.

Selling food? Make it cheap.

Selling your body? Better have it cheaper.

Accept it please...

"Forgive and forget."

You know? Most people do not. They usually dwell on the worse, and they drag you down to the hell that they normally call "home"

I am tired. I am confused. I am reluctant.

Family members are difficult. They say that family members hold you high when you fall down, they are the back to your contraption. I figure: How is this? I think of my friends and the ones who TRULY know me, as my back.

I wanna write you a story...a story that will never be forgotten...I wanna be that author that is SO diversitile, the one that just goes for the long run, and makes the pedestrians think. I wanna be the one that makes the people fight on the real meaning behind the stories of a young mans story.

I wanna be...
I will never know.
I shall succeed.

Let it be

Let's take it one stride at a time. Let us read together, let us learn together, and lets just dance together.

I don't wanna be alone today. It is an odd day really. I usually do not mind being alone.
But today is different. I wanna be laugh, cry, and enjoy the company of other people.

Is that too much to ask for?
Probably.

Let's just fall.

I have nothing to say.
I am sorry guys.
But I have broken down for the past 4 days.
I am a wreck.
Wanna fall with me?

I can't do this all on my own...

Jeremy is going to be over here. Which means I will be sane again. When I am with people I seem to be a whole. Isn't that great? I played pokemon most of the day. I love me some pokemon.

Somedays I wish I could just live in the pokemon world that are only worry is too become a pokemon master. I do not doubt that Ash has some anxiety that he is not the best. He masks it very well. Doesn't pikachu ever get tired of fighting? Also, doesn't Ash get sick of being perfect all the time?

Who knows all those silly questions.

I love winning. I love acheiving winning. I do not let anyone beat me. That sounds mean but, I do love me some winning.

Fun eh?

I do care.

"Are you crazy?!"

I ask myself this everyday. I do not have have that sanity that most people have.

Today was an okay day. I shut out mymind of all those crazy thoughts that I usually have. The reason? I finally got my OGT scores. They told me I was not a total dumbass after all! This silenced those thoughts I was talking about yerterday.

I am sounding insane. I am simply talking figurativly really. No need to call an insane asylum.I call people huns and sweets cause I have this need to be flirtatious at all moments. It's a odd thing really, but I am a very flirtatious person. It's just my personality. People find this the chance to jump on an oppurtunity to try to hold another human being. I am not asking this of people. I am just being myself.

Well then. What were we talking about?

Why are you turning to much?

Today was wonderful. I thought way to much, but when don't I think too much? The world turns to fast for my liking.

I like things my way. I am a stubborn. I realized that I am going to live alone in my future. This is completly scary to me. I am going to have to face this. Why can't I stand people? Well there are plenty of reasons, but most of the reasons are because of myself.

If you can tell. I am very hard on myself. Today, was no exception. I thought way to much. Today though, was actually a good day.

I am babbling. I am sorry. It's nice to just...rant.